January 21 - 31, 1962

January 21 - Sunday


What a glorious day this has been, First I went to mass at 11 at Ermita and later, of course, to the ANC. Mercy, Marina, etc were there. Conchita and Luli were at the Polo Club. Lita called me up and asked me to go to her house this evening. Arno came later and said that Carlos told him again that he was going to our ball. I asked him if he was going to the Rizal to see “The Guns of Navaronne” this afternoon and he said no because he saw it yesterday and it was a lousy picture. (Arno thought that TGON was a lousy movie?!!! I’m cracking up laughing as I transcribe this.) I had lunch at Marina’s house and Luli and Conchita picked us up at 1:30pm. As we were paying for our tickets Conchita tells me quietly but breathlessly that Carlos was in the canteen. My heart leapt to my throat and my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t shut my handbag. Marina, Luli and Conch decided to go to the Canteen to buy candy. They walk in and each give a dazzling smile to Carlos and I completely ignore him. While they were buying the candy I was still desperately trying to close my handbag which was turning into an impossibility. Carlos turned around to look at us and as we walked out I restrained myself from looking at him while the girls smiled at him again. We walked into the movie and as we sat down Marina told me to go and talk to him so with every ounce of courage I could muster, I decided to go back to the canteen to get bubble gum. I forgot that the door did not work right and I kept pushing at it to get in and Carlos looked up and said “No te mates.” Then he asked us to join him but heck that movie (I let a movie stop me from joining this guy that I’m ga-ga over. Didn’t I say I was stupid?!!!!) I asked him again if he was going to the ball and said yes and “gracias” for inviting him. Gracias?! I’m the one who should be thanking him! (Okay, now I’m certifiable!). He also asked me who was going to play and I said, “Tu amor de Strads.” (And now I am plain corny.)I had to say goodby then and get back in the movie. When I got back to my seat, my heart was pounding so hard. Later he came in for a while and he sat down and stood up and walked around a dozen times. He also kept looking in our direction. I saw Spik Loinaz and he looked very nice, if a little thin. Betina said hello too. Later we went to Lita’s house and listened to records. Dad and I ate supper alone. Arno went to the Rizal after all - hah!



January 22 - Monday

Margotin and Susan’s surprise today was a beautiful big photograph of Carlos playing the drums. I was so happy and excited! My test in English was a miserable, complete flop. Yikes. Anyway, all I can think of is Carlos.



January 23 - Tuesday

Nothing very exciting happened in school today (when does it?). We only had rehearsals for that play and Tere Carballo and I, perennially talking about Carlos. This evening I went to Bingo and had a lot of fun. My cards were good and Mom won 20.00. We sat with Luli and her parents and Tita Pacita. I showed Luli the picture of Carlos and she flipped. Mitch and George were there . When Luli and I went to cash our checks Mitch was right beside us. I also talked with George a few minutes. Maripaz Godinez called this evening to find out if I was going to her party on Saturday.



January 24 - Wednesday

Our class gets more restless and rebellious every day. I guess its because graduation is near and young hearts are rarin’ to go! I am!! Miss Juco was awfully mad this morning at some girls in class for misbehaving. This afternoon Marina brought me home. I talked with Lita over the phone and she read me Morris’s (her one and only) letter. I also talked with Mercy and Conchita. St. Jude and St. Anthony are being just wonderful these days. They’re answering all my prayers. I have a billion and one pimples on my back and some on my face. I hope they go away by Saturday. Mrs. Patag bawled me out today. Such is life.



January 25 - Thursday

We had our Mass and Pep rally this morning and Field Day this afternoon. Fritz, Mon, and Jay, Ricky and Johnny Ugarte were driving around St. Paul’s. Boy looking for Susan and Fritz for Magu. We had our dress rehearsal tonight for “Seven Mirrors.” Everything came out all right. I talked to Lita over the phone this noon and Mercy this evening. Tomorrow no classes in the morning because of Teacher’s Day.



January 26 - Friday

Conchita called this morning and wanted to know if I was going to the ANC. I didn’t go because I had to wash my hair. I talked with dear Lita over the phone too. This afternoon we had no regular classes on account of the play. My make-up was perfect this evening. I wish I could leave and not do the curtain call tomorrow but I haven’t the slightest idea of how I am going to do it. Bahala na. I talked with Mercy over the phone and she says she’s not going to the party tomorrow. Oh well. I’m so sleepy.



January 27 - Saturday

I went to the ANC with Mercy. Conchita, Marina and Cynthia Carreon were there. We did nothing but talk about Maripaz’s party. This afternoon I went to see “Blue Hawaii” starring Elvis Presley. Very enjoyable. I went with Conchita, Lita and Mercy and everyone was at the movie except Carlos. The play this evening was good except for me in the Leyte scene. I bet they couldn’t hear me in the 4th row! Dad picked me up at 8 and as soon as I got home I got dressed for the party. I wore the same dress I wore on New Year’s Eve yet it didn’t seem to look as nice as it did then. Tony Ortigas walked into the party with us and Mercy was pretty thrilled. He is such an attractive guy. The party was simply ok. Maripaz looked so pretty in a white nylon-chiffon dress. Everyone was there except Carlos. I guess his aunt didn’t let him go because he failed in 3 subjects and my evening was pretty empty except for one person - Arno!! He looked so attractive this evening and he assured me he was going to our ball with me if his grades were good. He dances divinely and is a wonderful guy. Linggoy does the twist superbly and Conchita was on some unknown cloud because he danced with her. Tony also danced with Mercy and there goes another girl on another cloud. I just danced with Danny Guidote 3 times, with Pichuco and Jack Aguirre. Conchita, Luli and I sat at one table with Pichuco and Jack. Margie and Mercy sat at another. The Beeps were all so nice. Susan was with Magu and the Whirlpools. Spik was also there for a few minutes. We left the party at 11:45 PM. Arno really was something tonight and I can’t wait to see him tomorrow. Lita told me today that Carlos might leave for Spain and that he likes the sort of well-filled up girls which definitely counts me out. I feel so lonely tonight. Why, why, why do I always fall for the guys who couldn’t care less if I lived or died?!!

January 28 - Sunday


Mass at 11:45 at Ermita and met the Muniosgurens (Honey looked simply out of this world in navy blue pants and white Ban-lon). After Mass we went to the ANC. Conchita and Luli were there with Arno. My heart gave a lurch when I saw him. Luli left soon after and only Mercy, Conchita, Arno and I were left. Mercy started saying “Lea, remember that guy you thought was so cute last night and you liked him....” Arno kept asking who she was talking about and Mercy kept giving hints like - “Arno, you have so many secret admirers.” I had to look out the window when she said that. We ate lunch there and Conch, Luli and I decided to go see Lita at 3:30. Arno said he was going too but Conchita and Luli changed their minds and they went to the Polo Club. Arno then said he was going to the Rizal. I was very disappointed but I went to Lita’s house anyway. We ate mangoes and sandwiches and suddenly the phone rang. It was Arno and he said he was coming over. There went that lurch again. He arrived and we just sat and talked about operations and listened to records. Lita asked him if he had fun at the Rizal. He said no and Lita asked him if Beli was there. He said yes but he still didn’t have fun. He then said that he and Beli are drifting apart and he looked at me when he said it. Lita didn’t understand and Arno said, “Ask Lea, she does.” I don’t exactly know what he meant by that. Lita said later, when I had to leave, that she thinks Arno likes me. I don’t even want to think of the possibility because he probably doesn’t and I’ve been hurt and disappointed too often. But I like him very much and the fact that he didn’t stay with Beli after the movie and came over to Lita’s house makes me a little bit happy. (I did well tonight in the play and my voice was heard loud and clear to the back of the auditorium.) I’m so confused and so alone. Carlos and Arno are causing a terrific battle in me.



January 29 - Monday

Its terrifically cool these days and everyone walks around in sweaters. I love and how I wish school were over and I could go to Baguio. Sister congratulated the cast this morning. Margotin talked with Carlos yesterday. He’s failed in 3 subjects and that’s why he didn’t go to Maripaz’s party. This afternoon I felt so tired and sleepy. I skipped school and slept a siesta. I also read “Tomorrow is Forever” by Gwen Bristow. (I still have the book - right on my book shelf today!) Beautiful story. I can’t get Arno and Carlos out of my mind. I like them so very, very much. I hope they both make it to the ball. I baked a beautiful cake this evening. It was light and fluffy and yummy. I’m sleepy and tired. I hate the thought of school tomorrow. Lita talked to me over the phone this evening. She said Arno stayed till about seven yesterday. He talked about Beli and how he’s getting the feeling that she’s getting tired of him - no comment here. Margot Pimentel and Susan called this evening to tell me we’re going to sing on “Fallout 62" on Feb. 2 (another jazz concert). Here we go again. Brrrr.....it’s cold!



January 30 - Tuesday

It’s simply wonderful to feel that for one evening people find you attractive and you feel attractive. It happened to me tonight. My make-up was simple and flawless and I felt happy and gay. At Bingo this evening, Mom, Tita Pacita and I sat at the table next to Mitch and George. Then I noticed a tall young man passing next to my chair and I look up and my eyes meet a pair of beautiful black eyes with long eyelashes and thick black brows. Our eyes held for a split second and I felt my heart turn over! (Antonio Banderas!! - Just kidding, couldn’t resist. Besides, Antonio Banderas was probably not even born yet!!!) He then walked to his table. I’ve never seen him before and I learned later that he’s just arrived from New York. (Is he here now??!!) He was wearing a navy blue jacket and wore a tie. I couldn’t say anything for the next minute because he affected me like no one before (Yeah, right, Lea, but curiously as I write this, the face of this guy comes into focus and I actually remember what he looked like!) I joined Luli at her table for a few minutes. This guy was sitting at the table right next to hers and as I looked in his direction my eyes met his again and my heart lurched again. (A lot of heart lurching going on lately....) I could feel him looking at me even when I was talking to Luli. Later he won a game and as he passed by our table I could feel that “electricity” again. During intermission Luli and I stayed outside the Pavilion for a while. When we were walking back in, George and Mitch caught up with us. George talked to me a while then we walked in. Luli and George went ahead of me. This guy was talking to one of the 2 girls who had been sitting with Mitch and George but as I passed by he looked at me again. I felt so wonderful - this has never happened to me before, well not since Bill or Sam. As I walked slowly back to my table, I could feel those beautiful eyes on me. As I sat down, Tita Pacita told me not to turn around but the guy and the other people who were with him all turned to look in my direction and he was still looking at me. While playing Bingo later I happened to glance behind me twice and our eyes met again. For me, everyone else in that crowded room disappeared except him. Then in the lobby, waiting to go home, he was standing a few feet away from me and every time I looked at him, he was looking at me with that same look in his eyes. The other young men who were with him were also looking at me and frankly I was getting very self-conscious. Even when he was leaving, he looked at me again. When he finally left, I asked the bell boy at the desk where he had signed in the guest book. He showed me. His name is either George or Bobby Roux or something Roux. (God, I now have a clear flashback to the name and face. He WAS really something and he did make my heart lurch then.). Can’t wait to keep reading and typing to find out how THIS “romance” went...) Luli heard him speak perfect Spanish and English. Every time he looked at me I felt like I was being drawn in by a magnet. I’ll probably never see him again and if he does stay here, he’ll meet many of the beautiful girls around here and I won’t even be a memory. (But for one magic night, he was mine and nothing can take that away. I’ve learned through these long years, that no one can take memories away from you especially since they happen to you - and they are yours.) Arno was operated for appendicitis this morning and Luli, Lita and I hope to see him on Friday. Nothing else is important enough to write about so I’m ending this long entry now. But a certain tall, young man with beautiful black eyes and a look that can melt stone has just added a little chapter to my life. (And somehow my next comments I expected to crop up. When the memory of this night filtered into my mind, I also remembered that only Tita Pacita went along with my “thrill” but I make no mention of my mother because, through all this, she acted as if nothing was happening, hence my next comments...)Sometimes I can’t stand my mother. I love her but I dislike her. To talk about boys to her is silly. To her anything besides cooking, sewing or studying is silly. Then the day comes that I really fall in love with someone I won’t tell her about it! She thinks I’m being “idiota.” Someday...we’ll see! (I cannot comment on this. It is the crux of my relationship with my mother and never resolved fully until about 30 years later in Spain...where another man with dark brows and beautiful eyes made my heart sing....)



January 31 - Wednesday - (and by coincidence, I am typing this and reliving these moments of my life exactly 44 years later almost to the day - it is 2/1/2006 and its Wednesday!)

I don’t want to sing in “Fallout 62" on Friday but what will the rest of the Hi-Gayles think of me. I just don’t want to sing. Anyway, we practiced this afternoon and it was pretty lousy. If it were any time but a month before graduation I would but sister doesn’t want us to, really, and I don’t think we’ll get away with it. Fritz, Mon, Jay and Boy pass by school to see Magu and Susan every day. I want to go to the hospital to see Arno so I hope he’s there till after Friday. Talked with Lita over the phone this pm. Went to MBC with Magu to return the sound effects records today and then we passed by the ANC for a few minutes. I can’t get that young man’s face out of my mind. Those eyes have really left an impression on me. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. I hope to see Carlos this weekend.